Category Archives: Uncategorised

Getting the garden trim for spring

Winter is over, and we finally get to say goodbye to Jack Frost. Unfortunately, a lot people will now be saying hello to a new arch nemesis—Harry Hay Fever. (Forget about skipping through fields of flowers. These people will be sprinting to the nearest chemist to to buy a truckload of Claratyne.)

Yes, spring is here at last. And if you stop for a minute and take a look around you’ll immediately be trampled by hay fever sufferers.

But once the stampede has passed, take another look and you’ll see the trees and gardens bursting with colour. It’s as if they’ve all had a month’s worth of growth overnight. Unless they happen to be your trees and gardens, in which case it will be more like three months’ worth. Continue reading

Garden Horrors

First, the good news. Today is Halloween, which means you get the chance to dress up and scare people senseless. Chances are you won’t even need to go out and buy a costume—just pick something from the wardrobe that your partner refuses to let you wear outside.
Health warning: Even though it’s getting quite warm, please choose an outfit that covers most of your body. The idea is to scare everyone, not scar them for life.
You also get the chance to give away all the stuff in your pantry that your entire family refuses to eat, including the dog. (It’s the main reason trick-or-treating happens at night.)
And now the bad news. After today, you really are going to have to clean up the yard.

Continue reading

Shouldering your gardening responsibility

Summer is finally over, and it’s time to get outside and tackle the garden.

And I do mean tackle. It’s probably so overgrown you have to slam the front door with your shoulder just to get it open. Unless it swings inwards, in which case you now have to get the door repaired (and quite possibly your shoulder).

Of course, you’ve been meaning to keep the garden under control. But you’ve spent practically the entire time trying to keep the lawn below eye level. And in summer that’s a tough ask. Sometimes you turn around after mowing one strip of lawn and can barely see where you’ve been. (And that’s on a good day. Other times you turn around and can barely see the house.)

But we’re approaching winter now, and after a couple of marathon efforts (you definitely walked the equivalent of one) you finally have the grass under control. Unfortunately that now means you can see everything else that needs raking, trimming, pruning and pulling.

You don’t mind doing the pruning, trimming, etc. (it will be nice to use something other than a lawn mower for a change). But just the thought of having to deal with all the debris sends a shiver through your body, which isn’t good for your shoulder.

Fortunately all you have to do is contact Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll come over, collect all the leaves, branches and anything else you’ve “trimmed”, and take it all away. They’ll even take away the remains of your front door. (Sorry, they don’t do replacements.)

And the best part is you don’t even need to be there. They just need to be able to reach you by phone.

So make sure you switch it back on as soon as you leave the hospital.

Clean up your yard and put some spring in your ste

Spring is finally here! (Fortunately it doesn’t need a place to sleep.) Time to venture out to the yard and feel the sun on your face, the breeze on your back, and grass pollens in your nose. (Don’t you just love hay fever?)

Of course, you won’t be able to venture very far because the grass is now waist-high. At least it explains the rustling you’ve been hearing at night, and the poachers lining up at the front gate.

Everything else seems to have grown too—the garden, the trees, and the rubbish pile. Mind you, the rubbish pile isn’t much of a pile any more. In fact it’s grown wider rather than higher because it’s a long way from the back door and you don’t have a very good throwing arm.

Unfortunately, the yard is what separates the house from… well, everything else. So before you can even think of taking a relaxing bike ride (at least until the magpies start swooping), you need to get it all cut and cleared.

Cutting everything back is the first step of any backyard clear out and it shouldn’t be too hard, as long as you have the right tools. A whipper snipper  is probably a better option than a scythe because you’ll need one hand free to continually blow your nose. (Stupid hay fever.)

And when that’s done, you should call us. Just tell us where you live (“It’s the house with the poachers out the front”) and we’ll take everything away for you—the grass, the tree limbs, and the rubbish “pile” that seems to be growing wider by the minute. You don’t even need to be there, which means you can head to the chemist for some hay fever tablets.

Once the yard’s been cleared, the wildlife captured and relocated, and the poachers told to try next door, it’s time to enjoy the fabulous spring weather. So grab your bike, put on your helmet (with eyes painted on to keep the magpies at bay), and head off to wherever your fancy takes you.

Oh, and watch out for poachers.