Category Archives: garden rubbish

Garden Horrors

First, the good news. Today is Halloween, which means you get the chance to dress up and scare people senseless. Chances are you won’t even need to go out and buy a costume—just pick something from the wardrobe that your partner refuses to let you wear outside.
Health warning: Even though it’s getting quite warm, please choose an outfit that covers most of your body. The idea is to scare everyone, not scar them for life.
You also get the chance to give away all the stuff in your pantry that your entire family refuses to eat, including the dog. (It’s the main reason trick-or-treating happens at night.)
And now the bad news. After today, you really are going to have to clean up the yard.

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Shouldering your gardening responsibility

Summer is finally over, and it’s time to get outside and tackle the garden.

And I do mean tackle. It’s probably so overgrown you have to slam the front door with your shoulder just to get it open. Unless it swings inwards, in which case you now have to get the door repaired (and quite possibly your shoulder).

Of course, you’ve been meaning to keep the garden under control. But you’ve spent practically the entire time trying to keep the lawn below eye level. And in summer that’s a tough ask. Sometimes you turn around after mowing one strip of lawn and can barely see where you’ve been. (And that’s on a good day. Other times you turn around and can barely see the house.)

But we’re approaching winter now, and after a couple of marathon efforts (you definitely walked the equivalent of one) you finally have the grass under control. Unfortunately that now means you can see everything else that needs raking, trimming, pruning and pulling.

You don’t mind doing the pruning, trimming, etc. (it will be nice to use something other than a lawn mower for a change). But just the thought of having to deal with all the debris sends a shiver through your body, which isn’t good for your shoulder.

Fortunately all you have to do is contact Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll come over, collect all the leaves, branches and anything else you’ve “trimmed”, and take it all away. They’ll even take away the remains of your front door. (Sorry, they don’t do replacements.)

And the best part is you don’t even need to be there. They just need to be able to reach you by phone.

So make sure you switch it back on as soon as you leave the hospital.

Weeding Out The Enemy

As you probably know, Brizzy Rubbish Removals can take away all your garden waste.

Unfortunately, a lot of people get confused about what ‘garden waste’ actually means. Especially when one person does the planting and the other cleans up the yard.

Now I could resort to stereotypes here, so I will. Women generally do the planting because they actually plan out what goes where instead of just burying the pots in a hole and heading off to the pub.

(Some plan their gardens out so well they spell out messages, such as “You’re sleeping in the doghouse again”.)

Men generally clean up the yard, not because they’re physically stronger but because they’re being punished for spending so much time drinking with their mates.

And this is where the problems start. The men have no idea what’s been planted, and they have no idea what’s a plant and what’s a weed. So rather than risk being accused of “just standing around like an idiot”, they do what they know best: grab as much as they can with both hands and pull.

Of course, when they see their metre-high pile of garden waste they think they’ve done a fantastic job. At least until they get hit over the head with a garden trowel.

Now we don’t like this happening any more than the men do, mostly because the lawyers always park their BMWs where we want to park our truck. So to avoid this, and the dog having to share its kennel again, we’ve compiled the essential information they need in a handy Q&A format.

Q. How can I tell the difference between a plant and a weed.
A. If you can pull it out easily, it’s a plant. If you try pulling it out with a tractor and it still won’t budge, it’s a weed.

Q. How much trouble will I be in for pulling out the plant?
A. Nowadays the tags on plants tell you not only how to care for the plant, but also how to file for divorce.

Q. What exactly are weeds?
A. Weeds are a kind of supergrass, genetically engineered to evade lawn mowers. While a blade of grass will happily have its head chopped, weeds will protect themselves by any means necessary (bending over, burying themselves, disguise themselves as letterboxes, etc.)

Q. Where did they come from?
A. Another planet, or possibly Hell.

Q. Why are they so hard to pull out?
A. A weed is like an iceberg—most of it is beneath the surface.

Q. So how far do they go down?
A. We’re not sure. We sent an excavation team down to find out, and they still haven’t reported back.

Q. Why not?
A. We believe they’re being held by Chinese immigration officials.

Q. So how do I get rid of the weeds?
A. Napalm works well. We’ve also heard of people getting good results from flame throwers.

Q. But what about the plants?
A. Um… what time does the pub open again?

Time for a little Garden Spring Cleaning?

Just when you’ve shed those winter pounds and you’ve got your summer swimsuit body ready to put on a show (freak show in my case) it’s time to strip back the garden and get it looking its best for spring.
Prune back the winter flowerers
It’s the time of year to cut back the winter flowerers and deciduous trees. Prune away hibiscus, camellias and lasiandra and cut back frangipani’s. Check deciduous trees for dead wood and then give them a moderate pruning to give them strength and room to sprout in the coming weeks.
Gently trim back winter flowerers in the garden beds. Fuchsias, lavender, geraniums and even star jasmine can benefit from a trim now. Remove any dead annuals and test woody stemmed plants for signs of life.
Get rid of dead wood
It’s been a dry old winter, there may be a few casualties in the garden. Use a pen knife to score bark on sick trees, if there’s no sign of life, completely remove dead branches, prune the tree back and give it a good watering and some fertiliser. Ask your local nursery if it’s really struggling, they’ll have some advice, and no doubt products, to help it recover.
Mow, aerate, fertilise…..
It’s time to do that first mow after the winter respite and your lawn will love you for giving it a bit of aeration too. Hire an aerator from your local garden or hire shop or buy a mower attachment to do it automatically. It’s also time to fertilise and mulch and show the garden a bit of love. Replace your annuals with new colour and add a little spring to your garden!
Love is….a tidy garden shed.
After a few months cold weather, your shed might be bulging at its seams too. It’s time to get tidy and organised for the spring and summer ahead with a full shed clean out. Check expiry dates, chuck out the broken items and do a good sweep and muck out – you’ll feel like a new man (or woman). Don’t forget under the house too.
A family that cleans together….has to listen to the kids moan all day….
While you’re spring cleaning the garden and shed, why not get the whole family involved and get the house ready for a new season. Make two piles, charity and chuck out and call us in to take the lot away.