The Options Are Piling Up

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You’ve finally done it!

After months (if not years) of procrastinating, you finally did The Big Cleanup.

It took a full day, a lot of lifting and just as much swearing. But you’ve finally gathered up all the rubbish around the house, and it’s just sitting there, waiting for Brizzy Rubbish Removals to come and take it all away for you.

There’s the old television and all those other electrical items that died the day after the warranty ran out. Furniture so old and tattered even your dog refuses to jump up on them. And let’s not even mention the ghosts of projects past.

It’s quite an impressive pile. So impressive, in fact, that your family drag themselves away from the Internet to come and see it. But instead of patting you on the back for a job well done, they start circling the pile and pulling out random objects. And when you ask what the hell they’re doing they simply reply, “You can’t throw that out. I’m going to use it”.

It’s enough to drive you to tears, or at the very least another round of swearing.

So what you can you do to avoid this situation happening to you? Here are a few options.

Get rid of a few items at a time. Okay, so they noticed the massive pile of stuff out the front (it may have interfered with the TV signal). So only drag out a few items each time to throw away so they don’t get suspicious. (Don’t worry: you’ll only pay for the volume of stuff Brizzy Rubbish Removals load onto their truck.)

Get rid of your family. No, I don’t mean like that. (Brizzy Rubbish Removals will take away almost anything, but they draw the line at family members.) Organise a weekend holiday for the rest of your family, and while they’re away gather all your rubbish up and get it taken away.

Make everything impossible to use again. Okay, so you may not have a smelter handy to reduce everything to a gooey mass. But you can certainly break things into smaller pieces so there’s no chance of it ever being used again. (If you don’t have time to do it yourself, just leave a couple of hammers lying around and let the local vandals do the work for you.)

Sooner or later all the rubbish will be gone, and you’ll get to enjoy all the extra space you’ve created

At least until everything your family ordered on the Internet gets delivered.

Take it away, Valentine

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It’s Valentine’s Day, and if you’re male then you’re probably looking for a gift that best communicates those three little words: I’m really sorry.

Because let’s face it: buying the perfect Valentine’s Day isn’t easy. It has to give the traditional Valentine’s Day message (“I am helping to keep Hallmark in business”), yet still be unique enough to make your loved one feel special.

That pretty much rules out flowers and chocolates (although she’ll happily finish off the box while you’re in the doghouse), and even jewellery can be a mistake—especially when you get your credit card bill.

And don’t even think about buying her an appliance. Not only will she hate you for buying something so impersonal, she’ll hate the way it clutters up the house. (And you will too, because it will be a constant reminder of how badly you screwed up.)

So what can you give your Valentine that’s personal, relatively inexpensive and won’t clutter up the house?

Here’s an idea: Forget about giving her something, and take something away instead.

No, I don’t mean taking that necklace back to the jeweller. (As if you’d be able to find the receipt!) I mean getting rid of some of the stuff that’s been lying around the place since… well, for as long as you’ve been together.

How about all those bits of timber in the back yard you’ve been threatening to turn into everything from bookshelves to an aviary? She knows you’ll never actually use it (the fact you don’t own a single power tool is a bit of a giveaway), so why not just get rid of it?

And then there’s that old couch. I know you’ve had it since uni and it holds a lot memories (not to mention pizza stains). But when even your dog refuses to sit on it, it needs to go.

There’s probably lots of other stuff you can get rid of as well: boxes for appliances you no longer own (she threw away your last Valentine’s Day present, remember?), the pile of lawn clippings that’s so high you can ski on it in winter, and all those attempts a DIY that ended up DOA.

But don’t waste the day carting it all away yourself. Get in touch with Brizzy Rubbish Removals and let them do it all for you so you can get on with more important things.

Like finding the receipt for that vacuum cleaner before she sees it.

The recovery process

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You’ve been through a lot in the past month or so—the whole Christmas thing, New Year’s Day, and of course Australia Day. And now it’s time to start the recovery process.

No, we’re not talking about your hangover (although we can get rid of all those empty bottles for you). We’re talking about getting rid of the other things you’d rather not think about (mainly because it hurts so much).

Maybe it’s that outdoor sculpture your family was given as a Christmas present that immediately lowered your property value. Honestly, it looks as if someone just whipped up a batch of concrete, let it set, and then half-painted it. It’s so hideous the birds won’t even crap on it.

Or maybe it’s your clothes line that, thanks to your brother-in-law’s kids, now leans at an angle as if it’s picking up alien signals from outer space. Of course, if it did pick up a message from outer space, it would probably be “You’re so lucky your father doesn’t own a ray gun”.

Maybe it’s the remains of the front hedge you decided to “trim” to look like Santa and his reindeer, but ended up looking like it came from the same artist who made your sculpture. Your six-foot privacy hedge is now only a foot high in some places, but should still do the job if the army decides to conduct its “commando crawl” training outside your house.

We can’t fix your clothes line or your hedge, but we can get rid of the evidence that it happened in the first place. (Well, you may want to flatten out that hedge before we come around.) We can pick it up, and more importantly take it away so no-one can accidentally peer inside your bin and discover your little secret. And if they comment on the Brizzy Rubbish Removals truck being at your place, just tell them you needed someone to get rid of all those empty bottles. They’ll understand completely.

On second thoughts, maybe you shouldn’t throw away that sculpture until the hedge is back to full height. It’ll be the perfect way to keep people out of your yard—if not your suburb.

Christmas: What a load of rubbish.

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As you can probably tell from all the tinsel and guys dressed in red suits, it’s Christmas.
(If you didn’t know, please tell us where you live so we can stay with you. It would be so nice to sleep without having to shield our eyes from next-door’s Christmas lights.)
And that means people you haven’t seen or even spoken to all year will suddenly get the urge to make contact once again.
If you’re lucky, it will just be a Christmas card–a snowman or some other “Christmas” scene that makes no sense in Australia on the front, and your name scrawled on the inside. (At least you think it’s your name. It’s either that or a prescription from your doctor.)
Cards are great. You just sit them on a clear surface to show people how “popular” you are, and then toss them all in the bin on Boxing Day.
But sometimes people feel so guilty about not knowing how to work a telephone they send you gifts instead. And these aren’t just any gifts. These are gifts that clearly say, “I have no idea what you’re interested in, so I’ve chosen the most hideous/impractical present I could find”.
Before you know it, your house is so cluttered with this crap you could quite easily turn it into a souvenir shop.
The good news is Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help you get rid of it. Just give them a call, and they’ll come around and take it all off your hands/mantels/patios. They won’t even laugh at all the crap you’ve received (well, not much).
Of course, the worst gift of all is the surprise visit from friends and/or relatives. Forget that whole “Silent Night, Holy Night” stuff. Your house will be turned upside-down (literally if the kids have their way). And when they finally leave (allow 6-8 weeks) you’ll face a house full of broken furniture and carpets so dirty you’ll wipe your feet to go outside.
Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help there, too. They can’t get rid of your guests for you (apparently there are laws about that), but they will help you get rid of all that broken furniture. They’ll even remove your carpet for you if you like. (The good news? Next time your “guests” come to visit you’ll be able to wash the floors with a hose.)
From everyone here at Brizzy Rubbish Removals, have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And remember: the post-Christmas sales are the perfect time to buy some new furniture.
And a security screen for your front door to keep everyone out next Christmas.