Category Archives: rubbish removal

Out with the old…

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You still can’t quite believe it.

You’re holding your official statement from the tax department (motto: “What’s yours is ours—eventually.”) But instead of telling you how much you owe and which kidney you’re better off selling, there’s actually a cheque at the bottom.

The tax department is actually giving you a refund.

And unlike the ones you’ve had before, this one more numbers before the decimal point than after it.

So now you’re thinking about the best way to use the money. Do you put it towards the mortgage, pay off your credit, or maybe invest it in…

Ha! Just kidding. What you really want to do is buy a new television. A big one you can actually watch from the couch instead of needing to sit a metre in front of it.

And speaking of couches, you want to get a new one of them as well. You’re sick of sinking so far down you need a grappling hook to get out again. You can even reclaim the blanket that’s currently hiding all the rips and tears.

The question is, what do you do with the old ones?

You could do what most people do—haul them out onto your nature strip and hope someone will take them off your hands. But while the TV may find a new home, there’s a good chance the couch may become a permanent fixture. (Even the council has to draw the line somewhere.)

Worse still, you may even find your neighbours sitting on it, complaining they can’t get anything on the TV. (You’re pretty sure they came from the shallow end of the gene pool.)

Or you can forget all the dramas and just call Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll swing by your house, pick them up and take them away for you. You don’t even have to haul them outside. They’ll do all the heavy lifting for you.

And unlike your neighbours they won’t yell out “Geez, what’s that smell?” at the top of their lungs on the way out.

On second thoughts, maybe you should haul them out onto the nature strip first and then call Brizzy Rubbish Removals.

If you’re lucky, they’ll take your neighbours away too.

Gadget Hounded

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Thanks to those clever people we affectionately call “nerds”, technology is getting smaller, faster and cheaper every day. Except for televisions, which will soon be measured in square kilometres.
Unfortunately it also means by the time you get your new gadget home it’s already obsolete.
This is great for the nerds, who keep adding millions to their bank account but nothing to their wardrobe. But for the rest of us, it poses two major questions:

How can we afford to keep buying new gadgets?

What do we do with the old ones?

The answer to the first one is simple. We keep using our credit card until the numbers on the front resemble our monthly repayments.

Unfortunately, answering the second one isn’t so straightforward.

In the good old days we could simply offload… sorry, “pass them down” to our children, who were happy to receive anything they could break and not get in trouble for. But these days kids are more tech-savvy than we’ll ever be, and wouldn’t touch anything we’ve owned with a laser pointer.

You could try selling it online, but it’s probably too old to attract any buyers and too new to catch the interest of your local museum. And by the time you factor in the seller fees, the hassles of posting it, and the public humiliation of ever owning such a thing, it probably isn’t worth it anyway.

Another option is to take it to the local dump. But along with the hassles of actually taking it there, you also risk your gear contaminating the ground, or even being re-programmed by cockroaches to destroy mankind.

Fortunately, Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help. Not only will they collect your old television for you, they’ll take it to one of Brisbane’s premier recycling stations, where it will be disposed of properly. No worries about contaminating the ground, and no chance of it falling into the hands of evil cockroach overlords.

That means you can relax and get on with more important issues. Like trying to understand the manual that came with your latest gadget.

Trashed Again

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You made it through another year. Well done.

And let’s face it: it was tough, particularly towards the end. You had to survive not only the Christmas cavalcade of visitors, gifts and meals, but also New Year’s Eve. But you got through it all, although you’ve vowed once again to give up alcohol. (You now consider it one of your ‘traditions’.) 

Unfortunately it now means you’ve got one hell of a mess to clean up. And that’s after you wake up everyone in your lounge room and tell them to go home.

First there’s the wrapping paper and packaging left behind from all those presents. The wrapping paper you can handle, but the packaging almost feels like a conspiracy. The boxes are huge, but when you open them you realise it’s 90% Styrofoam. (The manufacturers got the idea after opening a packet of chips that was 90% air.)

Then there’s the leftover food that, despite having leftovers three nights in a row, still hasn’t disappeared. Even the dog takes one look and walks away thinking, “No thanks. I’d rather eat grass”.

Then there’s the evidence of what was supposed to be a quiet New Year’s Eve celebration. You’ve probably got enough bottles, cans and wine bladders for an Arts graduate to create an award-winning sculpture. Well, maybe when the yard stops spinning.

And like any other New Year’s Eve party, you probably have the odd piece of garden furniture that didn’t quite make it through the night. (We won’t mention the clothesline leaning at a weird angle, as if you’re trying to pick up radio transmissions from outer space.)

Fortunately Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help. They can collect all your rubbish and take it away for you. (Unfortunately you’ll have to deal with the guy sleeping on your couch on your own.) And the only time you’ll need to lift a finger is to block your ears when the bottles start clinking together.

Which is good, because the way your head is at the moment, the less you have to move the better.

Taking the Next Step

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Congratulations! You’ve just bought a house.

It wasn’t easy. It took ages to find, and then you had to fight tooth and nail with the owners over the price. (Things were going quite smoothly until you realised they were talking dollars and not yen.)

But after countless bids, counter-bids, counter-counter-bids (and the odd prayer), you finally settled on a price. The paperwork is signed, you’ve been handed the keys, and now you’re about to take your first step into your new home.

Unfortunately, that first step may be the only one you want to take.

You pretty much knew the house wouldn’t be clean when you moved in. After all, there’s no “This place must be spotless before you leave or we’ll take your children” clause in a sale contract. (There was, but it was removed after too many parents took advantage of it.)

But you didn’t expect it to look this bad.

The carpet looks like it hasn’t been vacuumed in years, let alone cleaned. It’s as if the owners rented it out to a fraternity. Cigarette burns and a multitude of stains and spills have come together to create an image Jackson Pollock would be proud of. (At least you hope it’s tomato sauce.)

And there aren’t just indentations where the furniture once sat. There are actual holes, as if it was nailed down to stop poltergeists rearranging it in the middle of the night.

There’s no point even thinking of getting a carpet cleaner in. (Once news of the poltergeists gets around they won’t come near the place.) You’ll have to rip it all up, take it outside, and somehow get rid of it before the police cordon off your yard as a possible murder scene.

The good news is Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help. No, they won’t solve the crime or find the killer (I don’t think they even watch CSI). But they will help you get rid of your old carpet so you can get new flooring installed and finally move in.

And don’t worry about unpacking all those boxes. Just open them up and let the poltergeists arrange everything for you.