It’s storm season once again, which means a torrential downpour every afternoon and news stories about it every night. The reporters will be standing outside under umbrellas to show how useful they can be (the umbrellas, not the reporters), and cutting to footage of golf ball-size hailstones falling elsewhere in the state.
(Just be thankful Mother Nature isn’t a soccer fan.)
Unfortunately, the mornings are still bright and sunny. And you know what happens when you combine sun and rain, don’t you? That’s right: a weather report that goes for half the news bulletin.
It’s also Mother Nature’s sure-fire growth formula for plants, which means you’ll have to trek through metre-high grass to find the morning paper. (Assuming they managed to lob it over your hedge, which now resembles the maze from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.)
Winter is over, and we finally get to say goodbye to Jack Frost. Unfortunately, a lot people will now be saying hello to a new arch nemesis—Harry Hay Fever. (Forget about skipping through fields of flowers. These people will be sprinting to the nearest chemist to to buy a truckload of Claratyne.)
Yes, spring is here at last. And if you stop for a minute and take a look around you’ll immediately be trampled by hay fever sufferers.
But once the stampede has passed, take another look and you’ll see the trees and gardens bursting with colour. It’s as if they’ve all had a month’s worth of growth overnight. Unless they happen to be your trees and gardens, in which case it will be more like three months’ worth. Continue reading
First, the good news. Today is Halloween, which means you get the chance to dress up and scare people senseless. Chances are you won’t even need to go out and buy a costume—just pick something from the wardrobe that your partner refuses to let you wear outside.
Health warning: Even though it’s getting quite warm, please choose an outfit that covers most of your body. The idea is to scare everyone, not scar them for life.
You also get the chance to give away all the stuff in your pantry that your entire family refuses to eat, including the dog. (It’s the main reason trick-or-treating happens at night.)
And now the bad news. After today, you really are going to have to clean up the yard.
Summer is finally over, and it’s time to get outside and tackle the garden.
And I do mean tackle. It’s probably so overgrown you have to slam the front door with your shoulder just to get it open. Unless it swings inwards, in which case you now have to get the door repaired (and quite possibly your shoulder).
Of course, you’ve been meaning to keep the garden under control. But you’ve spent practically the entire time trying to keep the lawn below eye level. And in summer that’s a tough ask. Sometimes you turn around after mowing one strip of lawn and can barely see where you’ve been. (And that’s on a good day. Other times you turn around and can barely see the house.)
But we’re approaching winter now, and after a couple of marathon efforts (you definitely walked the equivalent of one) you finally have the grass under control. Unfortunately that now means you can see everything else that needs raking, trimming, pruning and pulling.
You don’t mind doing the pruning, trimming, etc. (it will be nice to use something other than a lawn mower for a change). But just the thought of having to deal with all the debris sends a shiver through your body, which isn’t good for your shoulder.
Fortunately all you have to do is contact Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll come over, collect all the leaves, branches and anything else you’ve “trimmed”, and take it all away. They’ll even take away the remains of your front door. (Sorry, they don’t do replacements.)
And the best part is you don’t even need to be there. They just need to be able to reach you by phone.
So make sure you switch it back on as soon as you leave the hospital.